Before the second line even appeared on your at-home test, you may have known how to reveal your pregnancy to your partner, family, friends, and social media followers. But if you’ve previously thought about how to tell your boss you’re pregnant, maybe your plans were fueled by fear or anxiety rather than excitement.
There are many reasons why telling your employer the beans about your future baby can be stressful. You may not be close to your boss, or even worried that your pregnancy might make him less likely to consider you for a raise, promotion, or certain assignments. (Rest assured that the Pregnancy Discrimination Act is in place to protect pregnant people from this kind of retribution — more on that later — but it’s understandable if that feels like little consolation in the situation.)
“Pregnancy in and of itself could be nerve-wracking for some,” Michele Goldman, PsyD, a psychologist who works with pregnant and postpartum women, tells POPSUGAR. “Know that it’s normal to feel nervous about telling others you’re pregnant.”
The most effective way to relieve this stress is to know your rights as a pregnant person in the workplace and develop a plan to share with your boss, says Dr. Goldman. These two steps will help you “gain a sense of control over the situation,” she says. This step-by-step guide created by Dr. Goldman and other experts walks you through how to tell your boss you’re pregnant, including exactly what to say in the conversation and what to do if your employer doesn’t respond in a more positive way.
What are your rights when informing an employer about the pregnancy?
Before sharing your news, you should refresh your company policy regarding parental leave and your rights. “Your organization should provide all parental leave information when you are hired, and these guidelines should be readily available to you at all times. President of the People at progenya fertility and family building benefits solution, says.
Although there is no guaranteed paid federal leave in the United States, some states, such as New York, have a vacation policy. Although your company’s human resources team can advise you about it after your announcement, Pratt says you can find out online if your state offers mandatory furloughs. As a matter of fact has a quick start guide. She also recommends checking the Pregnancy Discrimination Act, a federal law that protects pregnant job applicants and employees in companies with 15 or more employees from discrimination, including the use of pregnancy as a reason for termination or harassment. Knowing that your rights as a pregnant person are protected at work should give you some level of reassurance.
When to tell your boss you’re pregnant
Pratt says the timing of your announcement is largely up to you. “Many report their pregnancy after the first trimester,” says Pratt. “The reason is that it’s late enough to reduce your chances of miscarriage, but early enough not to show up significantly.”
Sometimes you want or need to discuss your pregnancy with your boss sooner — for example, if you suffer from severe morning sickness that interferes with your daily tasks, or if your job requires strenuous physical labor. “In those cases, you may need to notify your boss earlier so they can adjust your work assignments accordingly,” says Pratt.
On the other hand, you might be tempted to delay disclosing your pregnancy because, for example, you have a new boss you don’t know well, or maybe you’re a relatively new employee at your company. But none of the factors should greatly alter your timeline. “While it can be a bit awkward to tell a new boss that you haven’t had an opportunity to develop a relationship with them, I wouldn’t recommend changing your approach.” Celia BalsonFounder and CEO of the personnel consulting agency work friendly and mother of a 17 month old says. “As long as you’re prepared with a high-level transition or coverage plan — or a recommendation for one — your boss will feel like you and they’ll both be prepared for your vacation.”
Another reason you might be tempted to delay the news is when an important review, raise, or promotion is in the works. Pratt emphasizes that your pregnancy shouldn’t affect your eligibility for any of these actions (as outlined in the Pregnancy Discrimination Act), but understands the concerns. “While hopefully it’s not necessary, until after your review, you can let your boss know if it’s coming up soon,” says Pratt.
However, don’t delay the conversation for too long: Pratt points out that some companies even require at least 30 days’ lead time (a rule that should be spelled out in the employee handbook). She adds that longer lead time often makes for a smoother transition when you take vacations, giving you and the company some leeway to anticipate unexpected issues like bed rest or early labor. So unless there are special circumstances, avoid procrastinating on your boss for too long once you hit the second trimester.
Is it okay to email a boss to tell you’re pregnant?
You’ve decided when to tell your boss you’re pregnant, and the time has come. Try arranging a face-to-face meeting to have the conversation (Zoom or Google Meet are fine if you’re working remotely) rather than sharing via email. “An e-mail could be read at an inconvenient time and lead to misunderstandings,” emphasizes Pratt. Also worth noting: your boss should be the first person you tell about it in your company (so avoid telling your co-worker if there’s a risk they might not keep your secret), and be careful when sharing the news on social media in front of you. I had your meeting with your manager.
If you are nervous, Dr. Goldman plans to update family and friends about the upcoming meeting. “[This] allows them to check in with you before and after or when needed,” she says. Also ask yourself what you are more worried about. “This might help you identify a specific thing that causes anxiety,” Dr. Goldman says. “If it’s in your control, you can do something about it. If not, you can practice acceptance and letting go.”
That’s exactly how you say you’re the boss, that you’re pregnant
The best way to ease meeting anxiety is to know what you’re going to say, says Dr. Goldman. (Also wise: bring a notebook and pen or laptop so you can jot down any details you might forget.) Every relationship between a pregnant person and the workplace is different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to sharing your news to share, it works for everyone. But if you’re having trouble finding the words, Balson has some advice. She suggests saying, “I have exciting news for you. I’m expecting a baby on the X-Date.” After they respond, if they haven’t already addressed this, you can say, “In preparation for this meeting, I reviewed our parental leave policy. I will go on vacation on date X [or when you go into labor] and return on Y-date.” After waiting for feedback on this, you can add, “I plan to get back to work and I’m confident that with enough time to plan, the team will be in a great position is going to be successful while I’m gone.”
In this conversation, you can also ask about developing a strategy on how and when to inform other colleagues and managers. For example, if you tell your boss about your pregnancy early in your first trimester, you might want to wait a few weeks before telling your co-workers. “I would check with your manager if you want to share the news personally or if you’re okay with him sharing it with others,” Balson suggests.
What happens when your boss reacts badly?
Balson doesn’t pull a punch: “A bad reaction to your pregnancy announcement isn’t acceptable in this situation, and I would never expect a bad reaction when you’re sharing exciting news like welcoming a new baby into the world,” she says. When your boss reacts badly, she suggests reaching out to your company’s employees or HR team for more support and information. “Your HR team will likely reach out to your boss or give you directions on how to continue the conversation,” says Balson.
For this reason you have also checked your rights; Although we hope it doesn’t come to that, the worst case scenario is that you can file an Equal Opportunity Complaint with the US Department of Labor.
You told your boss that you are pregnant. What now?
Phew – you did it! After letting your boss know you’re pregnant (and hopefully getting his congratulations), you can start working on a loose transition plan. It should contain necessary information (timelines, workflow processes, etc.) for all large projects you are involved in; one or more specific people who will take on your various duties during your holiday; and any outstanding work that needs to be completed, Balson says. Also, be sure to meet with Human Resources to complete any necessary paperwork required by the company or state.
Then try to relax! Pregnancy is a marathon, not a sprint, and you have a lot to do preparing for your new baby.