It’s the call every parent dreads: a school nurse or day care worker saying your child is sick and needs to be picked up. In the blink of an eye, you immediately stop whatever you’re doing to get her. But that also means you have to adjust your entire workday. Important meetings on the calendar may need to be rescheduled, and urgent appointments are likely to be rescheduled. While this can feel overwhelming and stressful, it’s helpful to know that you’re not alone.
“We all need to remember that after a long time we are recalibrating, not even without sick days because it was either COVID or nothing. So we’re a little bit away from our games. We’re a little out of practice, and we’re we need to train those muscles a little better and take it easy on ourselves,” he says Aliza Pressman, PhD, a developmental psychologist working with families and founder of the Raising Good People Podcast..
For many parents, the pandemic has been a particularly challenging time, not only because routines have been completely upended, but also because there is no universal childcare. Many parents worked from home while taking care of childcare and making sure their children did schoolwork. This increased burden is one of the reasons parents reported high levels of depression, anxiety and burnout early in the COVID-19 pandemic, according to a Study 2021.
Almost three years later, not much has changed. Although some people have returned to the office while others work from home at least one or more days a week, many still find it difficult to find adequate childcare and support, especially during sick days.
Since it’s not always possible to clear your work calendar when your kids are sick, we asked experts to share some insights and tips to make the mental and physical strain a little easier.
1. Treat yourself to some grace
Balancing work and caring for a sick child is no easy task, so the best thing you can do is give yourself some grace and understand things as you go, says Keisha Reaves, LPC, PMH-CMaternal Mental Health Expert and Founder of Push Thru Therapy. Things might not go smoothly and some hiccups may occur: your child may throw tantrums, you may lose patience, and making the progress you hope for on your to-do list may feel like an impossible battle.
While you’re already juggling multiple things, making the time and space to take care of yourself and prioritize your needs can be difficult—but it can go a long way in helping you stay calm and composed.
That means when you have a moment to catch your breath, like when your child is napping or when they’re in bed for the night, resist the urge to immediately dive back into your inbox. “I often encourage my clients to ask themselves what they are capable of and what they need for their bodies,” says Reaves. Be honest with yourself, and when you need a mental break to watch a TV show, call a friend, sit down for a quick meditation, or – oh yes – eat something, feed yourself. You don’t always have to devote all of your “free” time to work, and in fact, making sure your basic needs are met will make you more effective and efficient do Go back to your workload.
2. Call on family members and friends for help
You’re not a bad parent if you ask for or accept help, and it can make a world of difference in managing stress and your workload at home.
Start with proactive conversations with your existing support system. For example, if you have a partner or spouse, talk ahead of time about sharing childcare and doing chores and other chores, such as housekeeping. B. Arranging medical appointments and picking up medication at the pharmacy. “If your schedules can change each other, you could go to work while babysitting the kids,” says Reaves.
If you have a nanny or babysitter and are happy to take care of your child while they are sick, do the same with them. You might be able to sit with your kids at lunch or dinner so you can take an hour to get to work, or pick up your other kids from school to ease the stress a bit.
If you don’t have that kind of support, consider calling a trusted family member, friend, co-parent, or neighbor who is willing to help. “I think sometimes we need to humble ourselves and get help at certain times in our lives. Having a sick child is one of those times of year when help is sought,” she says Tiffany Conyers, LCSW, PMH-CPerinatal Psychiatry Specialist and Certification Trainer for Postpartum Support International.
Remarkable: “Help” can look different than we might imagine. Who says the pizza delivery guy isn’t a help when he’s allowing you to forget about grocery shopping and cooking for the night? As Conyers puts it, “Delegating, but also outsourcing [help] if it is financially possible.”
3. Parents noisy with co-workers
Be honest with your boss and co-workers about your current situation and share your availability and bandwidth to work while your child is sick.
Reaves says that means saying bluntly, “My kid is home sick. I can complete XYZ while working from home today and plan to complete ABC while I work after hours.” This is more effective than not communicating with someone at work about your situation as it gives you more flexibility and allows you to reset expectations. The fact is that your workflow will look different if you take care of your child at the same time. It’s better to acknowledge that, come up with a sensible plan, and be aware of your abilities than burn out and try to juggle everything on your own.
Conyers recommends making a list of the work-related tasks that are on your plate so that you can focus your limited time and energy on high-priority tasks and less on less urgent things. A list can also help you create realistically adjusted schedules that you can then communicate with your team at work.
Of course, not all workplaces are understanding and flexible in these situations. If you’re unsure how your manager should handle situations like working from home while your child is sick, you can ask them ahead of time at one of your check-ins (ideally not the day your child gets a fever). But many people are more understanding than you think – and your job may surprise you.
“All of us together better understand what it is like [to work from home with a sick kid], even people who historically have not stayed at home. So I think focusing heavily on the shared experience that we all had and remembering that this isn’t a big request,” says Dr. Pressman. “But you must often ask for it. Nobody offers it. Say, “I need support. I can do that. That’s not going to be realistic for me.'”
4. Choose your battles
When children are sick, they are more moody and may be more likely to have tantrums and breakdowns. And if you’re sick on one of your workdays, you might be crankier too. This can lead to head shaking. Part of getting through the day in one piece is understanding that you need to make concessions and try to bring calm to what feels like a tense situation.
“That means we have to collect ourselves first, and that’s the biggest challenge,” says Dr. Pressman. The steps above—giving yourself grace, asking for support, setting clear boundaries at work—can help. So you can remind yourself to be patient with your child. Pressman suggests telling himself, “My kid is sick, so he’s freaking out. But it’s not in danger and I’m not in danger, so I can lend him the part of me that knows we’re all safe.”
That could mean giving them extra cuddles or holding them by your shirt or letting them sit on your lap even while you’re on a Zoom call, she says, “They may need a little extra love, anything, what it feels like is comforting to them.”
And snapping at your child doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent; it means you’re overwhelmed and need to take a few minutes to regroup. “Remember that you are only human and that is completely natural,” says Dr. Pressman. Then acknowledge you made a mistake and apologize to your child and remind them that you love them and are here to find things out, she suggests, adding, “These fixes serve really as a reminder that we all make mistakes sometimes and it’s not the end of the world.”
5. Know that this period is temporary
While caring for a sick child and balancing work is a particularly stressful time that will push the limits of your patience and resilience, it is a short time and things will eventually get better.
“What helped me was reminding myself that this is temporary,” says Conyers. “’My child is more healthy than sick. That’s a short period of time.’ I had to tell myself that.” She also brings gratitude when she’s able. “The gratitude is that I can work from home. I can do this and not be in a car somewhere. We can managing those symptoms. We have flexibility in our schedule. And while that’s not the case for a lot of parents, it is.” Just look at what you can be grateful for in this moment, even if it sucks,” she says.
But when you can’t look on the bright side, Conyers also recommends fully embracing your feelings and not judging them, because the fact is, parenting is difficult, whether your child is ill or not.
In the end you can only do your best. And remember, your child will take something from your example, too: that this is how you take care of someone when they’re not feeling well.
Image Source: Getty / Svetlana Iakusheva