Let’s build a snowman! But you know, inside. And without having to wait for snow to fall. And without the sadness that is the melting of our beautiful creation. And without having to run outside and stop a stray dog from turning the snowman yellow… guess what? Let’s just do a snowman tattoo instead!
I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, which is a way of saying I never built a snowman as a kid. The only exception was when there was some snow on top of Mt Diablo and we drove up there to play. It was fun and exciting! But even an 8-year-old from California understood that two centimeters of snow is not enough to make a snowman out of it. It was damn good for throwing though…
I digress… what I’m saying is that I always felt like I was missing out if I never had the opportunity to build a snowman. Then when I was 15 we moved to Illinois and it was a frozen hellscape. I quickly learned that yes, snowmen are cool, but building one sucks as hell.
First, the snow has to be in that Goldilocks zone to even work – not too wet, not too dry, not too icy. Second, you must have a lot of snow to build a snowman worth anything. Third, you’ll be rolling all that snow around on your hands and knees for hours, which unless you’ve got a fancy snow suit will give you (or at least feel like it) hypothermia. . I have at least 100 other things I find distasteful about building a snowman, but I don’t want to load this with anything but negativity. I personally just despise building snowmen…
Except for this one time, I stuck it out and actually pushed through. This snowman was epic. For two days… then it melted into nothing. Gone. And my heart was broken.
Why should I build a snowman when I can get a snowman tattoo? Sure it’ll hurt right now, but it won’t go away. I thought that remembering snowmen would make my heart triple big, but no. It’s the same cold, black lump of coal it always was. Just how I like it. Here are some snowman tattoos. Enjoy it. Happy Holidays.