Of course I also invited to an event – I posted photos just to show that I was there. It pains me to know that there might be others who are also looking for external validation and might feel worse after seeing my social media content. When we allow external factors (like invites, followers, and compliments) to determine our self-worth, we’re wasting energy on the wrong things.
I kept coming back to the question: having experienced the feelings of exclusion that we have Everyone experienced to some degree, is that feeling something we knowingly want to perpetuate? Additionally, internal vs. external validation is a good point researched Concept. So why are the concepts so difficult to separate?
In order to find an answer for myself, I had to cut myself off from social media altogether. What I’ve discovered over the past year without social media is that I’ve focused on the external validation and ignored my internal validation. The likes, reposts, tags and shares – they made me feel good at the moment. They made me feel good about posting again but they left me blank the next day. What was worse was that not only was I hurting myself, but I was maintaining that emptiness for all who did was not in the room. Others unwittingly did the same to me, and we all went down the rabbit hole. It hurts others, it hurts me, and it might hurt you.
Stepping back has helped me become more mindful. The likes matter less, and the more I force myself to think harder about what I’m sharing, the more fulfilled I actually feel. Even better, that fulfillment came from simply sharing some of my work—the emphasis was on the work, not the clout.
The main argument for social media is the power of connection. But as an even bigger bonus, I was able to make deeper and more valuable connections than ever before. I was forced (and tried) to get involved in a more direct and considered way. Less time was spent curating my highlight reel and being jealous of everyone else’s. Instead, I was so much more fixated on meeting people virtually and in person, and wanted to hear organically what they were up to rather than looking at a curated snap.
I’ve slowly reintegrated my social media diet, but this time more consciously. I’m not invulnerable – I still get FOMO, and it still stings for a moment. But I’m at a point where I can remember: the things I’m not locked into aren’t a measure of my worth. We are worth more than an invitation! But the rabbit hole I mentioned? We are all vulnerable to it, and to get out of it, we must recognize that collectively we have the power to affect our personal algorithm of our worth and mental health.
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