Netflix Too hot to touch challenges ten horny and very hot singles to give up sex and win money. Now in its fourth season, the premise is changed and the contestants are tricked into believing they are on another dating show and they are very disappointed when they learn the truth.
opening shot: A group of people in flight suits walk on a runway. Heart-logo SUVs with the name “Wild Love” roll by, and Mario Lopez shouts, “That’s it wild lovethe dating show that harnesses the power of adrenaline to help you fall in love even more.” Wait, what show am I watching?
The essentials: “The whole world and her grandma heard about it Too hot to touch, Lana and her rules,” announcer Desiree Burch explains as soon as this montage of fully clothed people appears in front of Mario Lopez. And that’s why the producers cast her under the guise of another show called, to catch their contestants off guard and keep things fresh wild love, and this fake show is hosted by Mario Lopez. Only there is none wild loveand Mario isn’t really the sentient robot in charge here, but Lana.
So at the top of the show we are introduced to ten hot young adults from all over the world who all think they are on a show where they are asked to do adrenaline pumping activities like jumping out of a plane and see how it affects their states of arousal and attraction. They all come across as bland and confident, but personable enough, and did I mention they’re hot? Most men seem to lust after one woman in particular, a honey blonde woman named Kayla who considers herself a heartthrob. While all these hot hardbodies are flirting and getting to know each other, they have no idea that in a couple of hours they’ll be forced into abstinence when Lopez reveals the real show they’re on, which makes the sight funny as they all make naughty plans with each other (well, they’re all making mental plans, no one commits to dating anymore, but the vibe is “we’re all going to have sex tonight”).
For her first wild love Challenge, they’re each given flight suits and called to a runway (literally the only runway on this otherwise Brazilian waxed show), and Lopez tells them their challenge will be explained to them by a “world-renowned extreme sports expert.” “A expert? or a cock blocking cone that will tell you what show you’re really on? Burch tells. Lana jumps through the car’s sunroof and the contestants immediately realize they’ve been caught. Lopez disappears, never to be seen again, and participants range from confused to angry. The show they’re really on, Too Hot To Handle, is the one where these flirtatious folks who are already undressing with their eyes are forced to abstain from any kind of touching or sexual activity throughout the summer. If someone breaks the rules, small amounts of money will be deducted from the $200,000 prize they are all vying for. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” says the Australian named Creed.
As they all falter in shock, Lana says, “Welcome to your long, hot, sexless summer.”
What shows will it remind you of?as a show, Too hot to touch is its own unique entity at this point, but it’s worth reminding viewers that its premise is actually based on that His field Episode called “The Contest” where Jerry and his friends abstain from sex and masturbation for as long as possible.
Our opinion: With the first episode of this season pretending to be an entirely different show, it’s fun to see our contestants being duped, but episode one doesn’t really say what to expect for the rest of the season. Because while all candidates initially keep saying they want to “keep their options open,” which is the code for “sleep with everyone and then decide who they want to sleep with more of,” they only learn in the final moments that will not happen.
Season four of Too hot to touch kind of assumes that if you’ve gotten this far on the show, you don’t really need to explain the rules of the game, you just know that this is a show where the bluest balls win $200,000 at the end of the day or take. And that makes it all the more entertaining to watch these people prepare to have sex they never will. It’s like the old saying, “When you make a plan, God laughs,” except in this case God is Lana, the all-knowing cock-blocking robot.
Lana sees the interactions of everyone in the villa they live in, and her disembodied voice encourages contestants to focus on one person they wish to connect with more deeply, rather than playing the field. We see them pairing up and trying to form meaningful bonds, but admittedly it’s hard to root for people who get cast for their horny vanity and want them not only to live happily ever after, but also to make money with them earn from this endeavor. Lana’s mission is noble, but even if it were up to these ten people to band together to save humanity, I wouldn’t say I would support them to continue the species.
gender and skin: Sex is literally the only thing talked about on this show, but unfortunately our contestants don’t have one. (STILL?)
farewell shot: Once the contestants are told which show they’re really on, one of them, a Dutch woman named Jawahir, pretends to pray and says, “Forgive me father, for me. WANT. SIN.”
sleeping star: Kudos to Mario Lopez for being willing to be a part of this ruse, he only appears in the first episode but he’s helping the contestants sell the fact that they’re in wild love and not Too hot to touch.
Most pilot line: “I think girls who have their casual sex shouldn’t be ashamed of being a slut. You were a bitch in the 50’s. Now you are an icon. And I’m definitely an icon,” chuckles a woman named Brittan (“like the country, but spelled better,” she explains, but you know she was born Brittany entirely).
Our appeal: SKIP IT. Even though that first episode turns things upside down and messes up the formula, the show is still just a group of 10 people talking about how much they love sex, which is getting old. I’m for everyone’s sexual freedom, but it’s a bit exhausting hearing hot people talk about how hot they are and how much they love (or have) the energy of big cocks.
Liz Kocan is a pop culture writer based in Massachusetts. Her biggest claim to fame is the time she won on the game show chain reaction.
