Anal sex can be a very pleasurable experience for all bodies and genders, but it can sometimes be uncomfortable for a variety of reasons. The speed of insertion, the amount of lube, and the lack of communication between you and your partner(s) could all be factors in why anal sex feels painful. You may have increased tightness or uncomfortable sensations that you are not used to – especially if you are exploring the possibilities of anal sex for the first time.
Despite these feelings, “no sex should ever hurt or be painful,” says Dr. Betsy Greenleaf, member of the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and pH-D Health Advisor for Women. If you experience pain during or after anal sex, that’s reason enough to stop and consider what the problem is before proceeding.
Let’s dive below into why anal sex can hurt, how not to hurt anal sex, when you should be in pain and seek medical help, and the best lubes for anal sex.
Does anal hurt?
There may be initial discomfort during anal sex, but you shouldn’t feel any pain. according to dr Greenleaf you can expect mild pain and minimal bright red blood when wiping within 24 hours of wiping, but it shouldn’t last the next day.
what you should do Not occur, notes Dr. Greenleaf states that the following symptoms are abnormal: severe pain, cramps, abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, pain when moving, pain when walking or driving, pain when touching the abdomen, severe pain when having a bowel movement, or inability to have a bowel movement. She adds that if you’re having trouble holding gas or not being able to control when you poop, it’s also a sign something is wrong. If you experience any of these symptoms, you should seek medical advice and help.
Why does anal hurt?
While anal sex shouldn’t hurt, there are a few reasons you might be in pain. The first could be because you are hesitant, apprehensive, or tense during anal sex. When this happens, “the muscles of the pelvic floor and anal sphincter contract,” which Dr. Greenleaf is a “natural defense mechanism”. However, this could make you more prone to tearing or damaging the muscles in your pelvic floor and anal sphincters, causing pain.
If the insertion speed is too fast, or the object you’re trying to insert into your anus is too large, it’s also possible that “your colon will puncture or rupture,” says Dr. Greenleaf. If you experience severe abdominal pain, bleeding that won’t stop, fever, nausea, or vomiting within 24 to 48 hours after or during sex, this could be the case – Dr. However, Greeleaf notes that this is “an unusual occurrence.”
Other complications include infections, abscesses, and STIs. “The gut is filled with trillions of bacteria. If these bacteria enter through a cut, it can cause infection. Symptoms can include pain, fever, spreading skin redness, tenderness to the touch, nausea, or vomiting.” If you’re also not wearing a condom, you could have an STI — although it’s important to note that they’re not always painful and you might not even know that you have one, as some STIs can be asymptomatic. If left untreated, STIs can sometimes cause them abscesses, these are accumulations of pus in the area of the anus and rectum. Symptoms include swelling around the anus and a constant, throbbing pain. But anal sex can also cause abscesses — even without having an STI.
Finally, and perhaps the biggest reason you might be in pain, is that you’re not using lube. “The anal canal contains some mucus but doesn’t produce lubrication like a vagina,” says Dr. Greenleaf. Because of this, using lube could contribute to uncomfortable friction.
How not to hurt anal
Anal sex can actually produce a lot of pleasure when done right – a study showed that nearly 44 percent of women have experienced some form of internal or external anal touch. Knowing how to have anal sex properly is important so you don’t endanger your health. Below are some tips on how to prevent painful anal sex:
- Start slow. “Proceed only when muscles are relaxed and you are comfortable,” says Dr. Greenleaf. “Stop if it gets uncomfortable and make sure you let your partner know what feels good and what doesn’t.” To unwind, warm up with foreplay or anal masturbation. You can also take a warm, hot shower or bath beforehand.
- Use lube to reduce friction, says Dr. Greenleaf. This can help with discomfort and pain and make it easier for objects to slide in and out of the anus. (See below for more information on the specific type of lube you should use.)
- Wear a condom. This can help protect you from a sexually transmitted infection like gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV, and more.
- Start small. “Using smaller objects like a finger or a dilator slowly inserted into the anal canal before placing a larger diameter object would be a great way to test the water,” says Dr. Greenleaf. She also suggests holding the object in place for a bit so you can make sure the muscles are relaxed. Once you know that you or your partner are relaxed, you can proceed with the movement.
Anal Lube Options
The best anal lube option for your anal sex exploration is either a silicone based lube or a water based lube depending on your preference. But in general, “a silicone lube is usually best for anal sex because it takes longer to dry up,” says the sex and relationship coach Angela Rosario. However, if you are using a silicone sex toy, you should use a water-based lube as silicone-based lubes can degrade the material of the sex toy.
Some of our most popular water-based lubes are Lovehoney’s water-based lubricant ($17) and Unbounds jelly formula ($18). For silicone-based lubes, you can try oversmearing ($20) and Silicone lubricant from Sliquid ($37).
Also, make sure you’re not using any numbing lube. Although this type of lube exists — not just to reduce friction and sensitivity — Rosario advises against using it for anal play. “You want to make sure you’re feeling everything,” she says, so you know where your limits are, which can help prevent pain.
More information on preparing for anal sex can be found here.
— Additional reporting by Angelica Wilson